“Why is there not 1 Valentine song about loving yourself?” She stomps on the table. Her anger transforms into a panic and mixes with sadness. We breathe through it. She stomps on the table again. “I don’t know why Sheila gets to me with this stupid valentine’s nonsense.” Sheila is how she calls her Gremlin, the abusive critical voice in my clients head. She requested to stay anonymous, besides mentioning she’s approaching 40. Sheila is hassling her about her age, her biological clock, and reminds her of every instant her mom asked her about grandkids. “Sheila can go F herself if she doesn’t show up constructive.” We laugh about her zero-tolerance with her Gremlin, and get to work.
My client and I have come a long way. When she wanted to ditch her narcissistic ex that ruined her bank account, she faced her fear of being alone, head on. She showed Sheila that she is strong enough to deal with the uncertainty of the next fish being worse. When she fell in love with partners that turned out to be too immature, she learned how to choose for heartbreak. I’m proud of this brave soul.
Diving deeper into what Sheila is mentioning today, we discover her deep and pure wish to have someone to live the adventure of life with.
“It’s great that I can walk away when I see a red flag nowadays, but it’s even harder now. Most are just poor at being a partner. Easy on the eyes, easy in bed, but not willing to open up. I want a partner who has the courage to show up vulnerable, so we can share and grow together. Do you think I’m being too picky?”
That session brought us to a big insight. She was trembling as she tore down her limiting belief by repeating her new mantra. “My soulmate and I grow closer every day.” Her past experiences do not influence her outlook on the future anymore. But February 14th was still around the corner, and she was still feeling lonely.
When I told her that I’m launching programs for power couples, she felt excluded. Maybe I should rename it to power singles, because the program is open to individuals. Even Sheila got intrigued at that point.
The attitude that creates a power couple begins with each half, or third, or quart – I haven’t gotten clients with bigger partner circles – yet. Each partner needs to commit verbally, and written, and in action.
Commit to being the best version of yourself. That means updating many layers of unconscious / unwanted programming. That’s where the other partners come into play.
The people who are most present in your life, more observant than a coach can ever be, the people who you share your habits with. They are the perfect mirrors to help you with your personal growth. For that mirror to work well, we need to get comfortable with radical honesty. Hearing and digesting that level of honesty is not always pretty, nor tasty. It’s the deepest confrontations you can have with yourself and another human being.
That’s why, for becoming a power person, step 1 is individual: a deep foundation of self love is the primary layer. When you invest in that self-love foundation, you’re building the best version of yourself. You don’t need to, but if you want to and commit to another person in a relationship who has the same foundation, we can embark on the journey of becoming a power couple. Each partner commits to the initial commitment of the other as well: be the best version of yourself. The self-love foundation allows you to digest the radical honesty from your partner(s). Because you share the commitments; to yourself first and to each other second.
My client and Sheila both pushed me to put this on paper – and to launch the Self Love Challenge during Valentines Day, as a rebellious act for all the single people. So put it in your calendar – February 14th 19.00 CET
A 90 minute journal and sharing circle about laying that foundation of what you love about yourself and your life. Bragging is allowed – according to Sheila.